How I like to THINK I write best

What kind of work couldn't be enhanced by a glass or two of the finest Two Buck Chuck Chardonnay?

If there is a career out there that can't be helped by some of this fine lubrication - its a career I need not know.

Nautica's Erotica

So, you remember that awkward girl in the Glamour Shot from a few entries ago? Well, good news if you're still pointing and laughing at me for that one...
I found my middle school diary.

Now, I would never try to claim that I was a great writer during those awkward years (nor, would I really have the cajones to claim that at any age) but DAMN if that blue-quilted, bumper-sticker covered book isn't a page turner. The break ups, the make ups, the gossip and fights -- all transcribed in an ever-changing handwriting which happened to grow progressively "cooler" with each turning page (I could even tell you which friend's handwriting I was trying to channel in each phase) The lingo, the lost middle school vocab -- all quite priceless.

A few things I learned through this study:

I like boys. A lot.

Being called 'a fish' is quite humiliating.
Fish: (n.) a girl who is in a relationship but is too shy to let her boyfriend kiss her and is, in this case, a repeat offender.

I like to make lists for no apparent reason. Come to think of it, I still do.


So while I was reading through these benign and uneventful daily listings of new teachers, tennis team drama, and gossip from the halls of Dickerson Middle school, I came to an awakening in the last third of the journal that I wasn't aware, at 13 years of age, I was capable of. Or at least hadn't written about it until that point. It came out of nowhere which made it all the more hilarious ---

June 17, 1997 (8th grade) was when, as it seems, things changed for little Liza.

Now I may be sharing this because Im stupid or maybe because one of my favorite things to do in life is laugh at myself, but whatever the reason, here is my pre-pubescent erotica (doused in Nautica)

And please remember -- you are laughing WITH me, not AT me, K?

6/17/97
Dear Athens (where I bought my first journal, quite creative huh?)

Move out of the way, Sara Hauseman, Josh is officially mine... and I have some pretty heavy proof that he is!!
Summer is here and on the last day of school Sara dumped Josh, just in time for him to ask me out. He did and then I made my way 2 6 Flags w/ Kelli, Ali, + Tera. We met 3 guys, but I was so proud... I didn't flirt 1 bit, unlike the rest of 'em.
But for the real reason I'm writing 2nite. I finally got kissed. Josh, Trevor, & I went to c Gone Fishin' and ended up seeing Speed 2. I payed attention to 1/2 the movie, But it went slowly. first Josh picked up my hand and held it, interlocking our fingers and stared deep into my eyes. After awhile, I finally put my head on his shoulders, his head was on my head. He kissed my forehead lightly a couple times and BAM! we were kissing and frenching for almost the rest of the movie. I could tell he was looking for a way up my shirt, he touched my boobs, rubbed my thighs and everything behind that. He had his hands on my stomach but not for long. He whispered I <3 U, I could barely return it, I was breathless. I will never forget that. I still smell like Nautica from his hand stroking my face. ---> (drawing of a pair of lips) I <3 Josh.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Yeah. Judy Blume worthy I am not.

To be honest, it still makes me feel a little dirty for having written it in permanent ink, but another small part of me loves that I have it. I honestly don't think I would be able to recall the details of my first kiss so vividly if I hadn't just reread it in all its descriptive glory. I can almost still smell the Nautica on my face. And God knows if I ever actually got my hands on some Nautica (do they still make that shit?) Im sure the memories would come flooding back all the more brilliantly.

Ill finish this entry with my apologies to Sandra Bullock for not catching the rest of her box office glory and to Josh Gilbert for including him in my expose. Hey, at least I didn't talk about the braces, right?

The life and death of produce

Last weekend, I had a long conversation with my friend's grandfather. Over pitchers of sangria, we discussed his grandkids, his work, my school, his marriage, and, well -- life in general.

One thing he said that caught me off guard and still has me thinking.

In a passing comment, he mentioned "Well, when you're my age, you learn not to buy the green bananas."

I love it because it could come across as quite a depressing way to look at age, but for some reason its not. And for the same reason he doesn't buy the green bananas, I think he was able to sit there and tell crude jokes over multiple sangrias with me. He was taking each day for what it was worth, and for the first time that I can remember -- I looked forward to having his sensibility if Im lucky enough to reach his age in good health.

Evidence from the Crime Scene

SNIFFLES the Leaky Nose, in all its oozing greatness.